People often ask about the secret to our lasting relationship. When they do, I pause, my mind racing as I overthink the question. Not because the answer is elusive, but because it’s become so intuitive that articulating it feels like explaining how to breathe.
In the past, I’d tell my friends, “In every relationship, there’s always one who’s kinder. Don’t be that one—be with that one.” But as I’ve grown, I’ve realized it’s more nuanced than that.
As I stumbled over filler words—“um,” “uh,” “er”—I realized it’s not just about being with the kinder one. It’s about the ‘er.’ It’s the ‘er’ that gives love its pow-er.
For me, it’s simple: be with the one who embodies that ‘er’ and brings it out in you too. They’re kind-er, smart-er, funni-er—and somehow, beside them, you become all these things as well. It’s not about outdoing each other; it’s about growing together, exceeding expectations in the quiet moments that matter most.
I felt this depth of love when my father passed away just before Mike’s son’s wedding. Torn between grief and joy, I withdrew, believing I was protecting us both by keeping my sorrow separate from their happiness. But then, as the funeral began, Mike appeared. His unexpected presence was comfort-er than I could’ve imagined. In that moment, we were close-er than ever, his empathy deep-er than I knew possible.
This is what it means to be with someone who’s always a touch more. In life’s challenges, they become your anchor. In joy, they make your heart lighter. Together, you navigate twists and turns, each moment revealing a stronger, happier version of yourselves. It’s not about perfection—it’s about lifting each other when it matters most.
The beauty of a lasting relationship extends beyond withstanding the hard times. It’s in the little moments too—the way they make your smile wide-er with a silly face across a crowded room, or how they surprise you with a new wedding band after you’ve carelessly misplaced yours. What could have been a moment of panic instead turns into one of profound gratitude, a reminder that love isn’t just about big gestures but also the small, thoughtful ones that turn life’s missteps into cherished memories.
Now, when people ask the secret, I say: “Find someone who brings out your ‘er.’ Someone who makes you love deep-er, laugh hard-er, and live full-er. With them, you’ll weather every storm and celebrate every sunshine, emerging strong-er, together.”
That’s the secret of the right partnership—it doesn’t just endure. It flourishes, turning two ‘I’s into a ‘we’ that’s greater than the sum of its parts, capable of holding both sorrow and joy, challenges and triumphs, in a love that’s infinitely rich-er for its complexity and completeness.
It comes back to that simple ‘er.’ It’s what transforms a great relationship into a great-er one, making every moment together a little more precious.